Search for a Cure
by Boring-Seminars
Summary: Slight A/U: A cure is developed for the Thorns of Death (TD). Only two vial were made, but just those two were enough to infect the world. Now, all the species have to try and survive in a world that now knows of supernatural creatures, and deal with the virus DT. (rated T for possible violence, contains Kuroshitsuji characters and OC. EricxAlan possible Grelliam :3
1. Chapter 1

***Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji :D**

**A/N: yeah… just sorta made this up. Enjoy!**

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**Journal Entry One-February 1****st****, 2013**

The board has decided to go along with the cure. We are staring animal testing tomorrow! I'm excited, since Alan has been suffering, I wanted to help him. Everyone else is excited too, we now just need to make this work!

**Journal Entry Two-February 13****th****, 2013**

We have done it! We have successfully made the cure… or at least for animals. I don't want to give Alan it yet, I still want to do more testing, but Eric insists. So, we will soon inject Alan, along with our other candidate, Santanice. I find it funny how it took this long to make a cure for two people, yet a permanent one that will benefit many more in the future.

**Journal Entry Three-February 21****st****, 2013**

We have named the cure TD, which sort of relates to the disease itself, Thorns of Death. Of course, we haven't cleared the cure; it seems to show good improvements. Santanice and Alan are both doing fine, all that is left is to show the board, and we're in the green.

**Journal Entry Four-February 24****th****, 2013**

Damn it, Santanice had an episode. She claimed 'they' where coming after her, then booked it. We found her, 12 hours later, but she was in terrible condition. She had fallen into a coma, and is now being kept under observation. We don't know if the cure TD is responsible, we must rule out all other things. But Alan seems to be alright, so I would say it was something else. At least I hope.

**Journal Entry Five-February 26****th****, 2013**

Santanice has not woken up yet. The cure, whatever it is now, seems to have spread. We have no idea what it is doing.

Alan seems depressed. Eric says he doesn't do much of anything, just sits around, or stands staring out into space. Alan is clear from the Thorns of Death, but I fear something more has him.

**Journal Entry Six- February **

Santanice is gone. The board has gotten word of what has been going on. They have released Alan and Santanice, and abolished all of the tests, everything we worked for.

**Journal Entry Seven**

Something strange happened. After the TD vials were destroyed, there were no more signs of it. But in the news, it showed a person acting rather crazy. I wonder if…. No no, it's nothing. I need sleep, I'm losing track of the days. I need sleep…

**Journal Entry**

I'm losing track of time. I seen Santanice on the news, she is a wanted criminal. Apparently, she broke into a medical building, looking for something. When the police found her in the morgue, she bit one of them. It is strange, the way she is acting. And Alan has only gotten quiet, when you speak to him, he looks surprised, like he really can't believe you or he is there.

Definitely lost track of time. Because of Santanice's outbreak's, seeing as she has attacked more humans, the humans are beginning to realize. They realize that there are Shinigamis, God's of Death among them. They know we are responsible for Santanice. We are in big trouble.

I'm just writing for no purpose now. I have packed my things, and will be in hiding. The cure TD, or rather, DT virus has begun spreading, mutating. I need to leave, not to mention, most of my colleagues have been taken. I'll be leaving with a rather cheerful redhead, seeing as he has the materials to leave and start a new life. He is also so cheerful, something I need in these dark days. I will hide, and hope the humans don't find us. Leave forever…

It has started. The virus has spreaded, creating crazed psychopathic killers. I have lost track of Eric and Alan, seeing as they are ignoring me. Not to mention, Eric probably wants to kill me himself…

I created two vials, and injected them into two people. And yet, it was enough to start the global apocalypse. Just two vials…

The humans hate us, and the virus has mutated to infect everyone. The demons have tried to take advantage of the human's weakness, but the closeness only caused the virus to mutate further. Now, they are infected.

We are headed to the end of the world, and not a pretty one.

I had only meant to benefit society with the TD cure, not infect them with the DT virus.

May god help us all.


	2. Chapter 2

***Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji… believe me if I did I wouldn't be writing this fanfic**

**So… here's the second story! Just trying to keep things interesting…**

**Eric POV**

I move quickly. I gather as much supplies as there is left in the store, then turn and book it down an alley. It is getting dark, nearing night. Even I, a shinigami, cannot be out at this time. It is dangerous for even me. I turn, running through abandoned houses just to move quickly. Now, I am on the outskirts of the town. Always best to stay on the outskirts, or _they_ will get you.

I approach the warehouse, hidden and forgotten behind the forest. Once there, I go to the side, where there is a nearby tree. I jump up onto it, climb, then walk along a branch to get inside the place. It is a hard process, especially with all the supplies I am carrying, but it is worth it for the protection. Once inside, I jump down onto the cement floor, then head to a table. I set down the supplies, and Alan comes from one of the various rooms.

"Hey, you're back." He says this slowly. Ever since… that blasted experiment, Alan has been unsure, afraid. I am the only one who can clam him down.

"Yeah, I'm back. I always am." I throw a tense smile, then look around. "We don't have much for supper…" I hold up a package of crackers, and a little bit of orange juice. He smiles.

"It's fine, Eric. Thanks." He moves like a ghost to the table, and begins going through the supplies. "We don't have a lot of materials…"

"I know."

"Oh well."

"We aren't going to last long."

"Eric…"

I sigh. "I'm sorry, I'm just stressed. Most of the supplies that we can still salvage, that would still be good … there's no more of."

He is silent, and goes through the supplies. Just more food, a couple cans of gas, medical supplies, and a pack of cigarettes. He sighs. "I'm going to bed."

I stare after him, and he turns around. "Are you coming?'

"Yeah, one moment," I say, and he nods and leaves. I put the supplies away, then check to make sure the area is secure. I then get into the bed that is next to Alan's bed. He doesn't like sleeping alone, since he has nightmares. I try to fall asleep, ignoring the fact that we will soon be out of food, and we will have to move again. Just like all the other times.

_Don't worry, Eric, just go to sleep…._

**Ronald POV**

I look for what William told me to look for_. Damn, no vial bottles, no needles, nothing…_

I search around some more, but I don't even find pain medication. And lord knows how much of those there are. Or should be…

I shake my head, then turn and leave the old pharmacy. I leave out a back door, and move to a van I have parked. It's so obvious to others, especially raiders where I am, but I can make quick getaways from them.

It's the rads I gotta look out for.

William named them radicals, because of how their temperament can suddenly change. I call them rads, because I think radical is a stupid word. It's a stupid reason, but I want to try and hold onto what's left of me here…

I jump into the van, and head back. William is staying at an underground research facility, called the Omega, where he tries to reclaim what is left of the DT virus's info. There's really nothing left, since most of the higher up shinigamis destroyed them, but we can always be hopeful.

"Hey, sorry, I couldn't find anything." I say to Grell as he drives. Grell sighs.

"Oh, well, it's alright, we can manage for a while anyways." Grell is silent after that, and on the whole trip back. He is probably upset, but tries to hide it. Honestly, I don't know if I could have survived a week without his enthusiasm.

When we get back, I head to a place we dubbed 'the office'. We call it that because that is where William goes over what is left of any information. Grell follows.

"Hey, boss, sorry I couldn't find anything." I say to William as I sit down on a chair.

"It's alright Ronald, and I told you to stop calling me boss."

"Alright, Doctor Spears," pipes up Grell, and he and I laugh. Will shakes his head, then gets back to work.

"Whatever, also, we will be leaving sometime soon," Says Will. "We need to switch places, I saw raiders nearby today."

"Aww, hell, and I was beginning to like it here. I was planning on painting the room red." Replies Grell, and Will rolls his eyes.

"Whatever." Will gets back to going over tons of files, and Grell leaves. "I'm going out for a bit, I'm gonna see if I can find some more food."

"Alright." Me and Will say as the overly cheerful red-head bounces away. I turn to Will.

"I'm going to bed, and I suggest you do the same. You've just been researching all that information nonstop, reapers need sleep too you know." I stare are Will intently as I say this, and he doesn't even look up.

"Got it Ronald, I'll keep it in mind." I roll my eyes, then leave to go to bed. Hopefully, we'll move soon. I'm sick and tired of this place.

**Grell POV**

I look around on foot. I walk a bit, far away than I probably should. But then again, I don't really care. Once far away, I look into a house. I walk into the front door, my boots clicking on the wooden floor. I am inside a nice home-like house, one that probably had a family, and they ate here, slept here, and they might've died here…

Don't' think like that, Grell, I think to myself. I needed to remain happy, to hold what was left of my sanity.

If there was any sanity left after this tragedy.

I look around the kitchen. Nothing. I go upstairs, making my way slowly. I hear nothing, so I guess everything is all clear. Once upstairs, I go to the first master's bedroom. Nothing. I go to the second and final bedroom…. big mistake. It was a toddler's room, with airplanes decorating the walls. I cover my nose from the stench. On the floor, decaying and rotten, is a father embracing his child. A mother sits on the toddle's bed, with what looks like knife cuts on her arms. I gasp, and fall back out of the room.

_I have to go; I have to get out of here…_

"Such a tragedy, aint' it? That a mother could just kill so mercilessly,, her own husband, her own offspring, then kill herself? Well, maybe not just a tragedy, but also… _so amusing" _I whip around at the voice that speaks.

"S-Santanice?"

The women, ex-shinigami, but now demon, sits on the banister, sort of creepily. She smiles.

"Ohh, did you miss me Grell?"

Before I can answer her, she jumps at me, biting my neck. I only have enough time to silently curse the fact that I didn't bring out my death scythe. And then I pass out into nothingness…


	3. Chapter 3

***Disclaimer-I Do Not Own Kuroshitsuji (Because two awesome things can't exist in this universe together…)**

**So… I don't really think I need to say 'Third Chapter'! And the summary? Well, I just wanted to focus on Eric and Alan a little more… yeah I know Grell is in big trouble, and I promise I'll get to that in a bit… please don't hate me! Sorry! :D**

**P.S. I've been busy, so I couldn't update for a while :/ Sorry!**

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**Eric POV**

I wake up, my back aching. The cot I am sleeping on is not comfortable. Alan had offered me his, but I refused, saying he needed it more than me. I groan, tired, and notice how dark the room is. I sit up, and look at Alan. He is sitting up too, and he shoots me a worried glance. I am about to ask him what's wrong when I hear it. The sounds vehicles make.

I jump up, and throw on my clothes and boots. Alan does the same, but less faster than me because of his condition. I move to the other room, where the table of supplies is. The supplies I gathered is still on the table, and I dump it all in a bag. Thankfully, the rest of the room is clear, so I make my way back to Alan. He has another duffel bag slung over his shoulder, carrying our necessities. I grab my death scythe lying near my bed, and Alan copies me. We turn to the door-

BANG! I freeze. The sound came from near the emergency exit, which I had tried to block. BANG! The invaders were trying to get in. I turn to Alan, wondering how we are going to get out. He motions to the hallway, and I shake my head. Of course. Alan and I use the window as the entrance, but no one else knows that. I head to it, through the hallway, to the room. I help Alan up first, who checks to make sure no one is out there. He then motions to me, and I throw up one bag, then the other.

BAM! The raiders are inside now. "Who's here? Show yourself!" A voice calls. I smell…. Demon.

I groan inwardly. Demon raiders, or what was left of them at least. They have their 'gangs'… which the rest of us try to avoid. I quickly jump up out the window, running through the forest. Alan is ahead of me. We make a large U turn, and when we are back near the Factory, we look around. Me and Alan have a vehicle hidden nearby for quick escapes, but it is pointless if we can't even get to it.

Suddenly, I feel a tap on my side. Alan is holding a rock, and making a throwing motion. I stare at him, and then nod. He then stands up, and throws the rock in the direction of the factory before hiding again. We wait, and soon some people come outside.

"Hey, who's there?" one of the demons calls. We are silent. "If you don't show yourselves, we'll find you anyways!" More silence. Most of the demons go look in the forest, except one. The one demon comes near the forest, near me and Alan. We are quiet. The demon sniffs around, and for once in my life I silently pray he doesn't find us…

"Malakel, did you find anyone?" another demon suddenly says. The demon nears us turns around.

"Uh, no, just thought I heard something."

"Well, hurry up and keep searching, we need to find that thing. She said if we did, she'll give us all the souls we ant."

"You trust her? She's one of them."

"Of course not, but as an ex-shinigami, she has access to a lot of stuff. Especially souls." The two demons continue there conversation, disappearing back to the complex. I sigh, then get up and run.

I hear Alan behind me, our feet pounding into the pavement. I glance around, realizing the van hidden is so far. I glance besides me, and Alan seems to be thinking the same thing. He nods to the demons truck, and we run to it.

_Almost there._

"Hey! You tow, stop running!" The voice comes from behind us, but we keep running.

_20 more feet._

"Hey! Get back here! Freeze!" There are more voices, all yelling at us. They are a good distance away though…

_10 feet._

_5 feet._

"Stop RIGHT NOW!" I ignore the command, as does Alan. I run onto the other side of the truck, throwing my stuff in the back. I start to jump in, and glance behind me. Alan is a couple of paces behind me, since his condition pains him. I hold out my arm as I jump in, getting ready to leave.

**BAM! ** A gunshot goes off. I watch everything as if in slow motion.

Alan collapses, and I move forwards quickly to catch him. He starts to go limp in my arms, coughing up blood. I drag him into the truck, hearing another gun shot.

The back window breaks, but we are not hurt. I drive off quickly, racing down the road at nearly 160 mph. As I go, I glance to my side. Alan sits there, slumped over, gasping and making little noises.

"Just hold on, Alan, just hold on." _Please, after all of this, I can't lose you…_

I continue speeding down the road, and when I'm a good distance away I turn off the head lights. I pray I don't run into anything, and I turn. I head through some paths, before coming to a place that looks abandoned. I drive in, and get Alan. We stumble to the door, and I put him down on a couch inside.

I lean over him. "Alan?" I ask, noticing his now shallow breathing. _Please, please please…._

**Malakel POV**

"They got away? You guys really are… pathetic, aren't you?" She asks me this question as we stand in front of her. I bow my head.

"I'm sorry, we tried, but they got away.

"Well, they can't have gone far. Just keep looking for them." She gets up and crosses the room to a table. There are weapons lying all over it. She stands there, staring at them, then turns and looks at me, smiling. "Do you think these weapons can kill a shinigami?"

I stare. "I'm not sure." She stares at me some more, then turns to Mazeki.

"Mazeki, stand by the door."

Mazeki does as he is told. She stares at him for a moment, then picks up a blade and chucks it at him. It hits him dead center between the eyes. The rest of us stare.

"What the hell?" says another demon as he races to the fallen comrade. I stare emotionless. I didn't care, all I wanted was souls. So I stared apathetically as the young demon races to Santanice. There is a quick blur of blades, and she effortlessly cuts him down. What pieces are left of the young demon fall to the floor. Santanice turns to me.

"You will need this in the future." She hands me a blade like the one she just threw, then asks me a question. "Are you hungry?"

"What difference does it make?" I ask her. In truth, I am. I mean, we feed off humans, and we need to keep what is left of them alive so our food source doesn't run out. But I will never admit weakness to her. She smiles.

"I know you are, and it is perfectly understandable." She grabs a nearby human slave from a cage, and throws him at the ground at my feet. "There are more, for you and your comrades. And there will be plenty more if you bring me that brunette. Got it?" I nod, then turn and quickly leave. But then I stop. I need to ask her one more question.

"Why do you need him?"

She thinks about this for a moment. "Do you want this reign of the DT virus to end?" I nod. "Then don't question my motives, and do as you're told. We will have power soon, I can promise you that." She turns back to a stone bench and sits down.

"Also, there is one more thing.

I look back. "Yes?"

She smiles. "If you leave, or try to overthrow me, or kill me, betray me, you will face a heavy price. Got it?"

I nod, feeling shivers go down my back. Her voice is strange, not to mention cruel and cold. She seems inhuman.

She then smiles even wider. "Good. Remember that next time you try to catch them." She laughs, and I turn and leave eagerly.

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**Ahhhh yeah I know… it was strange… ahh poor Grell also, I mean, where is he? Mwahahah oh well… next chapter I'll try to get up sooner. R&R PLEASE!**


	4. Chapter 4

***Disclaimer: I do not own the awesomeness that is Kuroshitsuji. **

**So yeah… here is the Fourth chapter! :3**

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**Ronald POV**

I wake up, tired and groggy feeling. I have a shower (thank god some of the piping is still good), get dressed, and head downstairs. I look for what is left of our food, and quickly make three plates. Leftover spaghetti; it makes me laugh. I head first to Grell's room.

"Grell-Senpai?" I knock on his door, but he doesn't answer. "Grell?" He is known for sleeping in, even during these days where it is bad to sleep long unprotected. I open the door.

He isn't in there. I glance around. His bed is still neat, or as neat as it can be for him, and he has his emergency duffel bag lying on the floor next to his bed. We need them in case we need to leave at any moment. He still has his make-up and hair products lying around on the dressing table, the cracked mirror is also still the same. I run to find William.

"Will-Senpai! Boss!" Sure enough, I find him still at his desk, his head lying on it fast asleep. I shake him. "Senpai! He never came back! We need to find him!"

He gets up, looking disoriented. "Wh-what? Wait… what?"

"Grell! HE NEVER CAME BACK! He's not in his room!"

William stares at me. "But… did you check the other rooms?"

"What?... uh, no…"

"Do that quickly." He gets up and puts on his coat. "When you come back, and he can't be found, we'll look for him." He leaves to go outside, and I do as he asks.

When I can't find Grell anywhere, I head out after Will. William is bringing one of the faster cars around, and he stops next to me. He seems to know Grell isn't here, since we'd know if he was (for obvious reasons, **i.e**. Him complaining about poor living conditions… or complaining about anything…).

"Get in." I do as I'm told again, and William takes off. He drives quickly, going down random streets, whipping around corners. After a while he stops, turns the car and hides it in an alley. "We need to go on foot from here, we can track him better." He hops out, and I head out after him. William and I hold our death scythes, and we quickly jump over houses to where we need to go. I don't think we are going to find him like this, but I trust Will, and I follow. He does seem to know what he's doing.

After a while though, I sigh. "Senpai, I don't think we are going to find him like this…"

"We will… we have to…" The tremor in his voice surprises me, seeing as I've only ever seen him angry or depressed. I follow, wondering what he is looking for, when I smell it. After a while, my reaper senses pick up on it.

"Hey, that smells like…" Grell. I am more motivated, and me and Will run more quickly. We follow what seems to be Grell's path to a house. I walk inside. "Do you think he was here?"

"Probably, he might've just been scavenging for stuff." We walk in slowly, and it is only then I notice something strange.

"Senpai, we haven't run into a lot of other… beings…"

"No, we haven't." Will stands in the hallway of the old house, then heads up the stairs. The floor painfully creaks under our weight, and I flinch. It is so loud; I worry if we'll startle anything lurking around. Or maybe not startle, but at least catch their attention.

When we are upstairs, we stop. There are some rooms, but that is not what I'm looking for. What I'm currently seeing is a wide open door, with what appears to be a dead family. I can smell it from here, the stench so strong I wonder if I'll throw-up. I move forward to check the rest of the upstairs out, when Will grabs my arm. I look at him, then follow his gaze to the floor.

Lying on the ground is a pair of red glasses. Chains on them to keep them up, with little skulls. William picks them up, and I am about to say something when someone begins speaking.

"Oh, we had to kill her, kill them, drain the blood, drain the life," the voice is high-pitched and rough. Will and I whip around to see a strange looking man standing there. He is holding the body of a small girl. "Drain slowly, let the pain pass with passing…" His words make no sense. I shudder.

"Who are-?" The man's head suddenly snaps up. He stares at me with two glowing demonic red eyes. I freeze, as does Will. There is a bit of black stuff coming out the corner of his eye, like a tear, and the whites of his eyes are now black. He smiles slowly.

"You see, we had to kill them, kill them all, we couldn't let it come for us to…" He holds the child out to us, steeping forwards. We begin to step backwards, William holding more tightly onto his death scythe. I do the same.

"Sir, stand back." Says William, his voice full of authority. I can sense the agitation coming from him though. The man just continues smiling, and he drops the body.

"Of course, they will come for us, but not if we take care of you…" He lunges at us, but William and I effortlessly dispatch him. The man crumbles at our feet, a loud shriek the final noise he makes.

"AAHUUUGHHHHH!" he spasms on the floor, black liquid coming out of the spots where our scythes hit him. With a final shudder, he lies still. William and I stand in silence.

"Will?..." I begin to say something, but I quickly realize something else. Demons can call out to each other, and they sometimes stay in nests. That means…

"We need to leave." Will leaves, holding Grell's glasses. We quickly go downstairs, and out the door. We begin heading in the direction we left the car.

"Will, if we go back to the car, others may have found it. They can track our scent..."

"Then we'll have to be quick now, won't we?" We arrive at the car, and luckily nothing has found it. We jump in, speeding down the road back to the compound. I still know that there is a chance that whatever got to Grell could've followed his scent also. They could find us. I hope I'm wrong.

**Grell POV**

_This sucks_, I think to myself. Well, that was an understatement. I'm locked in a cage like some sort of animal. My hair is tangled, and I shudder to think of what I look like. I sit in the back of my cage, at the side nearest to the wall. I don't want to be near the thing in front of me.

"URuuggghhhh..." the thing croaks, it's back shuddering and rippling. The thing glances at me, and with another yelp launches itself at me. It hits the bars of the cage, falling back onto the ground were it lies for a bit, making little noises. Santanice laughs.

"My, my, that thing sure is active." Santanice walks around the cage that thing is also in.

"Does it really have to be so close to me?" I glare at her, and she laughs again.

"It's inside a cage, isn't it?"

"Not a secure one."

"How would you know? I mean, not even you, _zee famous Gre-ell Sutcle-iff_, can break it." She speaks part of the sentence in some sort of mock-Italian accent. I continue my glare, and she just smiles. "Now, it wouldn't be fun if I had you two far apart."

"I'm not your entertainment.

"Oh, contraire, ma petite cherie, you are quite the entertainment. In fact, you're the star of the show." She smiles menacingly and walks up slowly to the bars. "Besides, the real show hasn't even started yet, so why would I want you to get hurt?"

I move away from her, or at least as much as my small cage will allow. "What are you talking about? Why am I here? These really aren't conditions for a lady to be in…" I've asked similar questions already, over and over again with no straight answer. I doubt I'll get one now.

"Why, oh why does the rain wash away the sand, the sand which is already nothing, already dust? How am I to know? Am I supposed to know these things?" She suddenly looks angry, and I shrink back. "Why should I know these things? WHY CAN'T I KNOW THEM?" She punches the wall suddenly, catching the attention of that creepy being. The thing glances up and stares at her hungrily.

I freeze, scared. I've already seen her angry, and others infected with the DT virus angry. You don't want to get in their way.

Suddenly, she turns to that being in the next cage. She seems calm, but her gaze appears to be far away. Walking up to it, she reaches into the cage. The being is still, then launches itself again at the outstretched arm. Everything is a blur, and next thing I know she has it by the neck. It struggles under her grasp, and she does something so that it passes out.

She then reaches into her packet, and pulls out a knife. I watch in fascination, then in horror as she runs the blade down the length of her arm, creating a ripping sound. Blood quickly pours out, spattering all over the floor. I continue to watch as she puts her arm over the beast's mouth, letting the blood drip into its mouth. The beast stirs a bit, then remains still.

Santanice then turns to me smiling. "I suppose I better move this thing to a more secure place; like I said, I don't want you getting hurt." She moves the cage, seeing as it has wheels unlike mine, and moves away. I watch as she disappears with it into the darkness. I am left alone in the weak luminescence of a lamp, and am only able to see the near wall, and about 7 feet away from my cage. I lay on my side, feeling sleep and fear take over.

_William, Ronald, where are you? Find me…._

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**I… truly am lost. Is there anything in particular anyone would like to see? Then comment… oh you know… :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer- I don't own Kuroshitsuji**

**Sorry I haven't updated, been sort of…. Busy…. O.O Anyways, This is just a chapter on William…. His journal…. I tried to give it as much feels as possible….****Enjoy! P.S: Sorry if you feel as though it drones on :/**

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**William's Journal**

I don't know if I should write week 3. 5th day. I mean, it's been 3 weeks, 5 days since you've been gone Grell. Stolen from Ronald and I. And I miss you've. I've always missed you. Throughout all of this, you've always been there.

Ronald is saying we should move to the next town. I don't want to. I can't. What if you're still out there, waiting for us to save you? I can't live with the fact that we could've saved you… but we weren't quick enough, because we left to survive, to continue living, without you.

And I've realized, I can't live without you. I haven't, ever since I met you, all those years ago. Do you remember? Of course you do, you always talked about it.

I was sitting in the library, trying to find a book about a specific set of cells. And you came along. You ran right past me, spilling the books, but you actually stopped to help. Asked me what on Earth I was looking for. I had been in medical classes, getting my doctorate. And I was working on a paper. You handed me a book, and I looked up, recognizing you from the same medical class. I smiled, and we talked. You pointed out that the book was on the other side of the library, saying you found it there when hiding from some angry teachers. Laughing, we went to find that book.

I remember a year later, working on my first assignment. I was at the hospital, waiting for when I'd be needed. It was quiet… I just sat there, bored, waiting for something, anything. Suddenly, a stretcher was rushed in, carrying a little girl. Paramedics rushed besides her, and they wheeled her to a room. I followed as I'd been told.

They told me not to do anything; it was the doctors who had to do stuff. I was just told to wait. I was still a medical student after all.

And though I just stood there, I couldn't' get the image out of my head. She was young, maybe 6 or 7, soft, curly brown hair. Her large eyes, vacantly staring at nothing, were a light blue. Sky blue.

It made me… angry. Sad. That night, I couldn't' help but think, she had a life, she could've grown up, become something. Maybe she would've become famous, loved jazz music. She might've gotten so many friends. But no. She died from a gunshot wound, because someone needed to rob a store. For what? Money? Food? Whatever they needed was apparently more than the price of a young girl, who barely started her life.

I remember, going day after day, wanting so bad to help others. But it gave me nightmares.

And you came every night. I would call you at 3 in the morning, and you'd come and hold me, comfort me, tell me none of it was my fault. I knew it wasn't, but I still couldn't' help but wish I could've done something. And I didn't.

And you came, and you would lie next to me every night, rubbing my back. I grew to want to see you, even if we acted as though nothing had happened between us. I grew.

I remember becoming a doctor, and I was offered a position at a government research facility. We had to use test subjects, and though they volunteered, I couldn't' help but cringe every time they were pierced with a needle. And when autopsies had to be performed, surgeries. Blood everywhere, on my hands, the walls, the floor.

That damn color of blood.

I remember when the tests were coming to a close, I grew to hate it, grew sick at the sight of it. I just couldn't wait to get out of there. And a group of us left to get food, to celebrate. And we came back. There was no one there. Not alive. A fire had been started, everyone died. Fire trucks came.

I stood there watching it, and I don't know if I was sad or relieved. I was numb. People asked me where I was staying, offering me a place. I refused. Instead, I called you.

You were so surprised, yet happy to hear from me. I told you, lied saying I was kicked out of my apartment. You laughed and invited me over.

We sat up all night talking. You decided medical school hadn't been your thing, so you dropped out, instead going into acting. You had just started some sort of production. Oh, well.

I stayed there. You let me stay. And while I loved it, I regretted every night. I remember how I'd make coffee, and you'd sit there, waiting until it was done, and you knew how I liked mine, so you filled the cups. I noticed little things, like how if you woke up 5 minutes late, you were more tired, and would let your hair down naturally, not putting products into it. Or how you did your make-up on Saturdays special, and on Sundays if you stayed in, you wouldn't' wear any when anyone was over, only me.

And then you brought home a guy. And another.

Throughout each guy you loved, you clung too, I smiled, acted so happy, told you both how perfect you were together, that I wished you two well. And I retreat to my room. I couldn't' watch you whisper to each other and giggle, I couldn't' stand the way they brushed your hair back.

Though, every night, even when they were asleep, and I had my own place, you'd come over if I asked. You'd talk to me, hold my hand, saying it was hard, but I'd get through it. Everything I faced, you were there.

Now you're gone. And I sit here, and think to myself, I miss your attitude, your smile, your laugh. Most of all, that dreaded color. You taught me to love it, and I did. I loved you.

But you're gone. And I hate it again. I hate this lace, this world. Everything. I hate the so-called 'cure' I made. The fact that I can't stop it. Or that I may be one of the few people in this world to make a cure, though I just want to die. But I have to keep living. So I can give others a chance. Maybe give a young girl a chance again. Give you a chance.

But you're not here. And I don't' want to, but I need to keep going. I should have told you how I really felt, before I lost that chance.

Maybe that's all this really is. Broken chances.

**Well… that's it! Another entry in Will's journal… kind of disappointing… I need to update sooner…**


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